A Modern Love

A relationship is a dynamic, symbiotic, living, breathing entity comprised of two individuals in the act of relating to each other. But this relating to each other has got to be more meaningful than the day-to-day, perfunctory, superficial obligations of a relationship, does it not?

Take the popular notion of "date night", for example. Date night is supposed to be the solution for couples who don't spend enough quality time together, yet the concept of allotting a certain number of nights per week to engage in an activity together only seems to reinforce the problem. It becomes this thing that's external to your relationship. In other words, you end up relying on date night to feel like you've had quality time. If you're being present in your relationship at all times, I wonder, would there ever be a need for "date night"? 

Being present, as I'm learning, doesn't necessarily imply being physically present. I've been splitting time between L.A. and the ranch and, to tell you the truth, my relationship with my boyfriend feels a lot more balanced. As our relationship transcends beyond the traditional constraints of "first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes so-and-so with a baby carriage", I'm feeling free of the usual fears: the fear of breaking up, the fear he'll leave me, the fear of not getting married, the fear of not having a baby and what have you.

"It's not a relationship, but a modern love!" my friend Ana told me, "It's a love that isn't obvious and conventional in terms of 'boundaries'. You're together but don't feel that obligation of traditional relationships like having to make time together."

I've become less concerned with the pre-established goals of a relationship and more in touch with my moment-by-moment reality. Does that mean that this town-and-country distance between us is the be-all, end-all? No. Being fearless makes you more aware in general; in a relationship, it makes you aware of yourself and how you're relating to the other person. You learn to let go of the illusions you've constructed and look at things with a fresh pair of eyes. It keeps you in "the now" and brings about a new level of understanding.

Perhaps, to put it more accurately, it's because I'm freeing myself of the usual fears that my relationship is evolving...