Just Like Diane

"So... We play an ice-breaker game every time we have a first-time visitor," said a friend of mine, pulling out a seat for me when I stopped by her office to say hello, "You have to pose a question to the group and everyone takes their turn to answer it."

I looked around at the smiling faces at the table. What a way to put a girl on the spot! 

"OK!" I said, clasping my hands together, "I've got the question."

I cheated a little because I had already played this game back in college. The question was: "If there was a movie made about your life, who would you pick to play you?" 

The only difference, then, was that, instead of answering it myself, my college roommate answered for me: Parker Posey. (At the time, we were all obsessed with two Parkers: Parker Posey and Sarah Jessica Parker.) I was honored. Parker Posey was an unexpected and non-obvious choice. She has a wicked sense of humor and, despite being supremely talented and cool, she has always flown under the mainstream radar.

Therefore, when it was my turn, I knew exactly what I was going to say: "Parker Posey."

"Really?" asked my friend, "I'm surprised. You know who you remind me of? Diane Keaton."  

"Diane Keaton?!" 

"Yes! Especially in that movie Something's Gotta Give." 

"Really?! Why?" I wasn't sure how I felt that a 50+-year old actress could play me. (And I'm not talking about looks because Ms. Keaton looks damn fine.) Did I act twenty years older than my own age???

"Well, she's a writer... And she always wears sweaters,"  she said, thoughtfully.

I looked down at what I was wearing. Hm. A cashmere sweater in the middle of the summer. Well, what can I say, I am definitely a sweater girl, through and through. She might be be onto something.

When I randomly bumped into an ex-boyfriend from high school, he also brought up the same connection. He mentioned that Something's Gotta Give was one of his favorite movies and Diane Keaton's character always reminded him of me. It was interesting coming from someone whose #1 favorite movie is American Psycho, to say the least.

Diane Keaton plays Erica Barry, an accomplished playwright and divorcée who lives in a gorgeous house in the Hamptons and finds herself caught in a love triangle between a man of her own age who is the ultimate modelizer (Jack Nicholson) and a younger hot doctor who is completely enamored with her (Keanu Reeves). Nancy Meyers, the writer and director of the film, didn't make it difficult to see why these two polar opposites were clamoring for her attention.

Erica Barry possesses a sparkly independent spirit, but is also a creature of comfort. She's complex but not complicated. And she's nurturing but not in a trite way. She also makes things like blueberry pancakes at midnight and eats scrambled eggs straight out of the pan on rainy evenings.

I recently watched Something's Gotta Give again the other night. OK, so there are some similarities. There's the writing thing and the sweater thing, for one. But, geez, her hairstyle and my hairstyle? (I swear, I feel perpetually stuck in this mid-length layered haircut.) Then, there's her easy-going nature that makes her so approachable. And the fact that she has no problem spending time alone. Oh, and how she romances Paris... Although what woman doesn't?

I adore Diane Keaton in general, so I'm very pleased to know that there are at least two people in this world who associate me with her character in this movie. I hope I live up to it. Like Erica Barry, I hope I produce some great piece of writing, find someone who gets me, and own a fabulous home in the Hamptons. 

The Myth of the Eternal 24-Inch Waist

Once upon a time, I had a 24-inch waist. It remained that way for years throughout my twenties. A burger and a side of fries couldn't put a dent in my flat stomach. F you, carbs!!! Heh, heh, heh! "Just wait," my older girlfriends would say. I brushed off their warning and considered myself one of those blessed ones with high metabolism and good genes.

To seal the deal and ensure that I would never allow my waistline to grow beyond this most ideal measurement, I had all of my Prada, Yves Saint Laurent, Balenciaga, and Chanel clothing specially tailored to my skinny-minnie figure. These beautiful clothes were practically sewn onto my body. I wanted to be able to wear them forever, thinking I'd keep my figure that size forever. 

Then, I turned 29.

I guess your metabolism does slow down. Even I, who foolishly believed that I was invincible to this fact of life, could not escape it. After being lazy about working out for three months, I found myself with fifteen extra pounds on my hands, or, more accurately: on my cheeks, tummy, hips, and thighs. Disastrous reality. It was a new me, alright. So new that I needed an entirely new wardrobe to match. Nothing zipped up.

Those three months off the track equated to nearly a year of blood, sweat, and tears in the gym. I've lost ten pounds and, as I enter my thirties, I'm now between a 25- and 26-inch waist. Those last five pounds will be the death of me, I tell you!

I learned that nothing lasts forever. Whatever became of those clothes? I certainly didn't account for the fact that my sense of style has changed. As for the 24-inch waist? Who knows, maybe I'll get there again. 

What's In A Bed?

 "If a guy has black satin sheets, run," said Ashley, emphatically.

I'm pretty sure this rule of thumb also applies to leopard print satin sheets. After all, you can tell a lot about a person by their bed. I'm very into my bed. I love my bed. I may even be in love with it.

"What does my bed say about me?" I wondered aloud, "I know it's a little old-fashioned, but I kind of like it." 

I have a total of eight pillows, my sheets are ivory 600-thread count, and my duvet cover is woven with a jacquard print. 

"I like it!" said Ashley, "It says: This is my throne." 

Pretty much. 

Here are things to watch out for:

1. A bed with one good pillow and one crappy pillow Guess who's getting the crappy pillow? 
2. A bed with two crappy pillows Really??? 
3. People who sleep with teddy bears or porcelain dolls
4. All navy blue sheets or sheets that are printed like graph paper Let me guess–he is between the age of 26 and 29 years old.
5. People who do not own a down comforter (or an alternative down comforter) 
6. Random mix-matched sheets

I would say that you should strive for the bed seen above in this picture, at the very least: four good pillows, a matching sheet set in a high thread count, and a(n) [alternative] down comforter.

The Art of Making Pancakes

It was Paul who told me that Steve makes the best pancakes in the world. 

"What makes them so great?" I asked, curiously.

"I don't know," he said, "They just are!"  

I was dying to know what the secret to these great pancakes were. My method is simple: use pancake mixes and follow the instructions to a T. I've used everything from Bisquick to The Stonewall Kitchen, and, while my pancakes turn out lovely and good, I don't think anyone has ever raved that they were "the best in the world". 

This past weekend, while in the Hamptons with friends, Steve allowed me to shadow him in the kitchen as his sous-chef. The breakfast shift is his domain and, let me tell you, it is a serious responsibility to provide a whole house of people with their first meal of the day. I thought of his permission as a great honor. Will he let me whisk??? (Yes, I actually wondered this.)

The only things that I was allowed to do were:

1. Take out the ingredients and put them away
2. Crack eggs into the bowl (This was a fail. He spotted a fragment of eggshell in the yolks.) 
3. Clean up pancake batter splotches off of the counter
4. Heat up the maple syrup in the microwave (35 seconds) 
5. Soften the butter in the microwave (4 seconds for one stick of butter) 

Have I mentioned that Steve means business when it comes to his pancakes? I've seen him fling cooked pancakes into the sink like Frisbees because they were "off-color".

"How about you throw them over here? I'll eat them," said Nina, wide-eyed, as she sipped on her coffee. 

So what did I learn? The secret to Steve's pancakes sure ain't love!

“The key to great pancakes lies in low heat, discipline, and the unwavering commitment to producing a quality product.”